In the future we'll all be gay
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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