I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
