Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
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Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.