what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.