Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it