He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
