she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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