I want to stick my p in your. b.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You pole danced in your parka.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
