If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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