So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
