You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize