Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
