In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
