I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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