i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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