I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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