apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
