i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
