i think i have two assholes
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
