In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
