Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
