You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
