I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize