well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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