So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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