I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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