Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
