Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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