how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
