***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
