So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
