My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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