The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
