I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
be right there i have to get my cape
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
