Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
