You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
