she woke up with a sticky ear
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
