You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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