Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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