I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
