he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
