Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
