you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
