how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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