Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
