I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
