Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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