I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
