Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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