My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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