I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
