You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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