It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize