just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
