I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
