You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
