Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
