I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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