i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
