he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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