Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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